Morning, everyone!
Today's teaser is more or less continued from last time's (even though I did get farther than this for once). I do want to share this segment, though - I like it, but I'd like an opinion on it. Technically, this could be a giant block of dialogue, and I'd like to know if it flows this way. :)
Enjoy!
-------------------
*snipped*
I really liked this the way it is. I like hearing her own thoughts and what she told the boy instead of the total truth.
ReplyDeleteI agree. I like this just as it is. I love the way you've written this. They way you give us so much information about her reality mixed with the lies. I think it's wonderfully done. And I really enjoyed reading it.
ReplyDeleteTHIS WAY. It's so powerful like this. Love, love, love this. Says so much about Rose :D
ReplyDeleteCheyanne: Thank you!
ReplyDeleteMelanie: I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Vee: Thanks! I thought this was the best way to get it across; just wanted to be sure. :)
I love it like this! So much! :D
ReplyDeleteHmm. I think I like it this way, because it allows you to use a bunch of pretty prose - not to mention unawkwardly let us know that there's a difference between what she's telling and what reality is (which would certainly be very awkward if you were using dialogue).
ReplyDeleteMy only issue with it is that especially near the end, you're doing a bit of tell versus show. And as I know you already know, that isn't good. I'd take out anything that is overly telling - because really, this entire section is "telling" but I think it's good to make this an exception, because the writing DOES flow well. But then make a transition into action. SHOW Rose interacting with whom she's talking to so that we SEE that she prefers this story to reality.
I hope that makes sense. If it doesn't, feel free to contact me. :) Very nice work, overall!
I love it this way too! I really hope you get this book published. I'd totally love to read it in print version :D
ReplyDelete